“It ain’t yours to throw away.”
Those words, shrouded in beautiful music, pulsed through my speakers.
And my heart stirred.
And then that wise woman spoke these words:
“It was a tool. They were tools. Those people. That time period. Meant to refine you. It was all for a purpose, a specific, divine purpose. Part of His story. No more, no less. And now He’s finished with those tools.”
“He cast that drama with those chosen characters and it was not a mistake.”
And the guilt and the ache slipped further away.
And then she asked me to write down 25 ways God used that time period to teach me.
I came up with 45 in 5 minutes.
And I saw it.
Can I tell you? There have been so. many. times. I wanted to throw those divinely crafted trials away. That hurt. Those moments, those lessons. I wanted to run. I was just so done. I just wanted it all to stop. Why me? Why so long?
But the longer I walk forward, the more I discover.
That time. It was a gift. A gift.
A gift from my Savior, made beautiful, for my good, to further His kingdom, and glorify Him.
The beauty that has come from that pain is jaw dropping.
Those years utterly transformed me.
They formed me. Molded me. Refined me. Into Christlikeness.
They sifted (and tore) out deep rooted sin, sin slyly hidden for many years.
They drew out passions, showed me myself, and began forming my future, my ministry.
They redirected my worship out and up.
Now it’s my turn.
Because my life is a living sacrifice.
Because that gift is not mine to throw away.
Now the result of that time is my gift back to Him.
It’s humbling, really.
It transforms the mundane, the pain, into a story. It cuts those years out of my tunnel vision, shrinks them, and pastes them into a much larger context. A beautiful, unique story.
And I’m living it. A valuable character in the story.
A story He’s writing, and He chose to use me.
And I dare not squander this gift.
And the song continues, “What if you’re a vessel and God gave you something special.”
And the truth resonates. Hard.
And so I stop running from it. And I turn around, in holy surrender.
And I bow.
Arms outstretched. Palms spread wide. Gift offered high.
That grace. That grace.
“You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.” Genesis 50:20
He did it for Joseph. He did it at the cross. He’s doing it for me.
Now I go to work alongside Him. Making the most of that gift.
Because He’s in the business of redeeming lives, redeeming pain. Making it beautiful.
What trials has He gifted you with? Are you still running from the hurt?
Will you embrace it as a gift? And then go to work alongside him?
Thank you for reading!