(**Remembering this post from awhile back. It was such a difficult time, but God has been so gracious to grant much healing and blessing. So if you see yourself in this post, please be encouraged. I imagine almost everyone can relate to a dark night or two, so if you can relate, relish God’s goodness with me. And for all of you who responded to my last post, thank you, thank you for sharing your hearts! You wrote some wonderful things, and I will respond to each in posts in the very near future!)
I layed in bed, staring at the ceiling in the darkness.
The darkness seemed especially dark tonight. The pain ached. Deep deep down. And just wouldn’t quit.
God’s promises are real and true–I believe that with all my heart–and, believe me, I was clinging to each one as hard as I could.
But the very real and raw emotions that come right along with loss, rejection, and betrayal were unveiling their ugly presence. Part of being human I guess.
But then, in a way only He can, in the middle of that piercing darkness, He reminded me of one simple, yet very profound truth.
He’s been there.
He experienced excruciating loss, rejection, and betrayal.
Sound cheesy? Hear me out. There is a certain unexplainable comfort that comes when someone just knows.
He gets it, on a much greater scale than mine, He just gets it.
He was rejected and betrayed by His very own, the very ones he was dying for. And He was separated from His Father–the most agonizing loss of all.
And on top of all that, He walked each step of His darkness, loss, rejection, and betrayal, with His focus on the glory of His father and the good of us, not once on himself.
I squeezed my eyes shut. Convicted. Ashamed.
I don’t know about you, but that is not how I typically deal with pain. It’s always all about me.
What would happen if we focused on His glory and His plan through our aching darkness? Knowing that His glory is divinely intertwined with our good?
I bet our darkness would be utterly transformed.
The story could stop here, and it would still be amazing.
But here’s the most incredible part, because of that very suffering, through our pain, we never have to experience separation from our Father. So we never have to walk through our darkness alone.
He walks each step of that darkness with us.
Words that have eased darkness for me time and time again filled my mind.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, and the light around me will be night, even the darkness is not dark to You, and the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You….” Psalm 139 11:12
That’s incredible. The profound darkness I sensed, wasn’t even dark to Him. He knows just where my story is going. He can see the end, the purpose, in the blinding light of day.
Actually, He planned it.
Just like the darkness that overcame the earth at the death of His Son, wasn’t darkness to Him. He knew exactly what the end was going to look like, even in the darkness.
Actually, He planned it.
But His beloved Son had to walk through that darkness in order to get to where He needed to go. Not because God didn’t love His Son. Not because He didn’t have a plan.
But because it was the plan. For our good and His glory.
And so often, He asks His children to do the same. Not because He doesn’t love you and has lost control.
Because He does love you and does have a plan and is in control. For your good and His glory.
That when everything seems out of control, nothing is out of control.
And when you’re tempted to doubt, remember the story of your Savior.
And the unfathomable good that came from deep, painful darkness.
And the unfathomable good He has in store for you.
That He’s been there. And is here now.
And let THAT ease the ache of darkness. Like nothing else does or ever will.
And you’ll find beauty even in the darkest nights.