When his words are bigger than His words.

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(I love writing for She Reads Truth, #SheSharesTruth. The writing prompts challenge me to
think about unique caveats of this life journey–drawing me to dwell on His faithfulness–situations and moments that may have otherwise gone unnoticed. Enjoy!)

For so long I let him name me.

Lower case he. Not upper case He. 

Reminds me of that song. “Begin Again” by Taylor Swift. Do you know it?

She sings:

He didn’t like it when I wore high heels…

He always said he didn’t get this song…

I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny ’cause he never did…

I saw myself so vividly in that song. 

Except mine went a little more like this…

He said I wasn’t observant enough…

He wished I liked sports more…

He said I asked too many questions…

He said he wanted a girl that made his whole world come to a stop, and it wasn’t me…

He didn’t care enough to try anymore…

Bottom line: I believed the lie that I wasn’t good enough, that I was a failure.

The words cut somewhere deep, deep down, and for so long I let them define me.

Those words, they were bigger than my God. I let them be. 

But then there was this.

“As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.” Genesis 50:20

Yes, there it was.

There was seeing a God who was powerful enough to make evil the slave of His grace.

More powerful than those words, than that pain.

There was immersing my mind so deep in Scripture, it was too drenched in the Truth to believe the lies. There was seeing the Truth for what it was. The Truth. The Truth that destroys the lies, tearing up its roots and burning its words.  

There was meditating on that Truth.

Not books, not  uncontrolled thoughts, not my interpretation, but Scripture. Raw Scripture. Letting the very breath of God breathe life into my weary bones.

There was reading Genesis, journaling, slowly, methodically, with tears in my eyes, witnessing the full scope of God’s character. Infinite, beautiful, unsurpassed love and beauty of God, painted against the backdrop of His holiness and wrath.

There was His sovereignty. The hand that holds, comforts, controls, drives, guides, and loves in every moment, every detail.

There was seeing my Savior. Him. Beautiful and pure and perfect.

There was seeing the cross and the grace. Undeserved, merciful. And then choosing to bestow that same grace and forgiveness on the boy that spoke those words.

And my God became bigger than those words.

And I saw a God who called me His own.

His child. His love.

I saw a God who chose me before the foundations of the earth. A God who knows the very number of hairs on my head; who planned my life before the beginning of time and is chiseling away. Refining. Transforming. Molding.

His vessel. 

I saw a Savior who lived a perfect, sinless life, and demonstrated a love I have never known.

And bore the wrath I should have born.

A God who imputed me with His Son’s righteousness and sees me as He sees His Son.

Perfect. Despite my wretched sin.

Not defined by the pain of those words or that boy’s opinions or his sin or my sin.

But.

Chosen.

Justified.

Forgiven.

Redeemed.

Loved.

Precious.

His clay pot. His work of art.

Daughter. Daughter of the King.

Names that bring life and joy and hope and healing.

The only names that matter.

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21 thoughts on “When his words are bigger than His words.

  1. Thanks Lauren for sharing His words. I love the powerful imagery you use especially to be “drenched in the truth… that destroys the lies.”
    Standing firmly in the Truth as His daughters is our defence aginst the enemy.This is definitely a WOW moment! .

  2. I got goosebumps! Your writing showcases God’s power, and your vivid examples of choosing His Truth over his lies are beautiful pictures of redemption. I can identify with the process of uprooting lies with the weed-killer of Truth, albeit in a different area of life. It’s an amazing thing to see God turn things upside down. God is GOOD!

  3. Oh how your heart has blessed mine this morning. Thank you for being raw and honest. And thank you for reminding me of the greatness of our God!

    • Hi Sarah! Praise the Lord! I’m convinced that raw honesty among the body of Christ is one of His most powerful tools (amen?)–so I count it a joy and privilege. Thankful for you. Blessings–have a wonderful week:)

  4. I was just listening to that song…and more than 32 years of lies from my ” boy” Thank you for sharing. My heart was defiantly starting to waver again between the truth and the lies, and which one was real. Thank you so much for sharing so beautifully

    • Hi Sharon! Thank you for sharing. Cling to that Truth, sweet sister. Praying for you…please let me know if there is anything specific I might pray for:) May His grace sustain you as you continue to seek His face. Blessings on you!

  5. I am behind in catching up on the She Shares Truth posts, but I appreciate you sharing! I’m beginning to believe that any time those hard, knock-me-down circumstances happen, that when we begin to see God more consistently, and as more important even than ourselves, those circumstances are worth it. So hard to see in the midst of what seems like chaos. I think what I read most in your post here is Who God is. What God does. What God is like. Who He says we are is secondary even to how big and glorious and magnificent He truly is, and who/what He says we are is breath-taking. How awesome does that make Him! Thank you so very much for sharing and pointing my heart to Him on this Monday morning!

    • Absolutely! Amen, amen! It was an incredible turning point in my life to finally understand that every single trial is divinely crafted for a purpose–to make me, mold me, more into the image of Jesus Christ. And what a privilege that is! It is so hard to see, and it takes disciplined thinking and much trust. You are absolutely right–who God is is exactly what I tried to highlight in this post and in all my other posts. Learning to fear God–so HE is bigger than everything else in this life, and I’m in continual worship and awe of Him keeps me from worshiping anything else. If you haven’t read the book When People Are Big and God Is Small, by Ed Welch, I think you’d love it; sums this idea up wonderfully. And yet, it is those very trials that make us fall more in love with Him–to worship Him all the more. “And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.” Thank you for writing! Blessings on you, sweet sister! xox

  6. Thank you for your post Lauren. When I first read the devotion on a new name, and read the writing challenge, I wasn’t really sure what lies I had been listening to about what my name was. Reading your entry showed me that I struggle with those same lies about not being good enough, being a failure. I’ve let these two lies encompass my in so many different areas of who I am; wife, mother, volunteer and even being a follower of Christ. I love your refocus on who God calls us and who we truly are! Thank you for taking the time to write it and share with us. Thanks for the book referral too!

    • Hi Kendra, Thank you for writing! Yes, praise the Lord! It is a wonderful thing to dwell on the fact that, in Christ, we are enough–God sees us as He sees His Son. And it is through His grace that we can abound in every good work (2 Cor. 9:8). It took me a long time to understand that, but praise the Lord, because it brought me to my knees and caused me to see and understand the cross in a whole new way. His grace is amazing, amen?! Blessings on you sweet sister:) xox

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